Nanny 911

I've been watching reruns on Netflix of Nanny 911, a 2004 TV show where British Nannies come into the homes of American families having trouble with discipline and try to turn things around in a week's time.  Although the screaming and fussing can get irritating, it is nice to get a refresher on some of the parenting techniques that actually work.  There is definitely a pattern in the episodes I have seen so far.  The kids are going nuts.  The parents are going nuts.  Nanny comes in and just observes and takes notes the first day.  Many of the parents think that whatever she will do could not be effective on their kids.  She goes out to formulate her plan and brings back "Nanny's Rules."  Many of the same rules return from family to family.  There are usually between 4 and ten rules, I think.  Here are some I can remember:

Hands are not for hitting. (No hitting, kicking, biting, etc.)
Be respectful. (No name calling, sassing, etc.)
Use your words.  (Express your feeling with words rather than violence or shutting down.)
Take responsibility for your own things. 
No lying.
Wheeled toys stay outside.
Listen to each other.  (Lots of families are yelling a lot to be heard, but nobody is giving anyone else the time of day to be heard.)
Keep a schedule.

Nanny reminds the family that rules apply to ALL.  Whiny kids come from whiny parents.  Children learn disrespect from the model their parents set for them.  Violence breeds violence.

Next she brings out some tools to help them get organized.  Some families need a written schedule to follow.  Most need an incentive program.  There are points of some sort (marbles, magnets, tickets balls, fake cookies, etc.) the children can earn for good behavior or lose for poor behavior and a point collector (clear jar, magnet board, etc.).  Some parents need to learn how to put the kids in timeout--one minute per each year of age.  Plenty of them need to learn how to use tough love and realize that it is a child's prerogative to get upset and cry when they don't get what they want.  Parents show greater love for their kids by setting limits and being consistent than when they cave in and give the kids what they want just because they complain.  They will not be traumatized because they spend one entire night crying while you firmly and patiently return them to their own bed again and again.

Nanny reminds that behaviors are unacceptable, but children are not unacceptable, and we don't tell children that they are bad.  We say, "That is unacceptable" or "That's not okay," but we don't say, "You're being bad."

The parents who are resistant to the nanny and don't have faith in what she tells them are the ones whose problems persist.  The parents who give their best humble efforts to admit that what they've tried hasn't been working and are ready to listen to a professional experience the greatest change in their families.

Each episode ends with an uplifting and hopeful wrap-up describing the great changes happening in the families, but it is clear that some families will fare better than others.  Many parents really need to go to get some couples therapy to work out their relationship issues that are spilling over to the kids.

I think this is a really great program.  Surprisingly, my children enjoy watching it with me.  I was a little worried that they'd learn some naughty behaviors from watching these other kids after they saw some children literally climbing the walls (I saw the light go on in their minds--"I didn't know you could do that!") but usually they look at me regretfully and say, "We do that sometimes, too."  I thank God that my children are not as wild as the ones I see on this show, but since we started watching this, we've been able to tweek some things in our own home and enjoy a little more peace.